At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We had to coat check the pizza.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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