Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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