Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
