You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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