My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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