It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
