see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
