Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
