I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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