Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
