omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
