I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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