he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
