i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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