I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
