i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
