At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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