Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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