I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
