After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
