Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm passing your future prison.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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