This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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