super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
