His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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