Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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