Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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