So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
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GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
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I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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