That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
