Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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