is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
