My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
