I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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