Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
