I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think I just sharted jello shots
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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