I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
