His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
