We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
