her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
