ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
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Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
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got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
you made out with another girl for some wings
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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