how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
