I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Less talking, more tequila
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
