He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
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I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
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I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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