Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
