I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
she peed on how many people?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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