so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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