my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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