This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We need a shit load of segways right now
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
