Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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