Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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