I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
