Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
