my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
