Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
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He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Dicks are not precious.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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