You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
