im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
