you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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