Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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