Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
