I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
if only i could text you this smell
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
