distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
