I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
