I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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