I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
