dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
