This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Everything about him screamed your future.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
