I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
