i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
